Thursday, August 5, 2010

Ventbook and Civil Rights


They should just start calling Facebook "Ventbook" instead. Status updates have mostly turned into people complaining about the weather, how tired or sick they are, how much work they have to do, or any other negative, pointless thought that comes into their mind. "Liking" phrases is the new annoying feature, with my niece even going so far as to like "not everything that pops into your head needs to be shared on Facebook." Ironic, really. Her sister actually has what I've heard is called TGS or Teenage girl syndrome:

From UrbanDictionary.com -

n. The made-up medical term to describe the way a teenage girl always complains about being fat or ugly. Also used as the acronym TGS. Tell a girl it's a medical condition and it's all over with. Trust me.
Girl: I'm so fat and ugly. No wonder boys don't like me!
Boy: Well, for one, you're not fat. But you do have chronic and severe TGS.
Girl: TGS?
Boy: Teenage Girl Syndrome.

n. Removing/adding vowels and consonants from words while typing or SMS messaging. Other symptoms include the frequently misspelling of words on purpose and the overuse of acronyms.

Girl: OMG, lol ur so hawt!
Boy: You seem to be suffering from TGS.
Girl: Whuttttt?
Boy: Teenage Girl Syndrome.
I laughed so hard when I read this because she really does write like this on Facebook all the time. Anyway, yesterday there was a different mood on the social networking site. I was on my last pumping break of the day and was scrolling through the news feed on my phone like usual. As I read more and more positive comments about gay marriage, I realized that Prop 8 had just been overturned by Federal Judge Walker. I was overcome by a sense of relief, pride and happiness.

In my opinion, Prop 8 should have never been on the California ballot. Why is it ok for voters to decide on a minority groups' civil liberties? Some will argue that we are in a democracy and that it should be majority rules, but it is because of this exact reason that our government was setup as a republic and not a direct democracy. There are safeguards in place to ensure that one larger group cannot dictate the rights of a smaller group of people. I've also heard that back in the day, Californians voted 5 times to make inter-racial marriage between blacks and whites illegal. This is yet another instance when people may just be dead wrong. Hopefully, one day, Prop 8 will be one of those things brought up in US history class that inspires the same feelings as things like separate but equal, Jim Crow laws and segregation. I know that many people feel these aren't the same type of thing, but here's why they are just that:

You can't control who you are. Being gay is as much a part of one's identity as one's racial ethnicity, nationality or the color of their skin. How do I know? Because three of the most important people in my life (my mom, my best friend and my high school boyfriend) are all homosexual. I saw in each case that although they might have preferred an easier, more mainstream way of doing things, that they simply could not. In the case of my high school boyfriend, he tried as hard as could not to be gay. We were very close friends and only after I met my husband did I see the difference between our relationship and that between 2 heterosexual people. It's certainly not all about physicality; it's about a connection. He cared about me, but didn't love me in the same way as if he were straight. Did it hurt when he came out? Of course - it hurt like hell. But now looking back I'm so glad that he didn't lie to himself any longer for my sake. He is Catholic, and once told me something that made me very sad. He said that God puts challenges before us for us to face, and maybe this was his challenge. How horrible that would be if it were true. Could you even imagine if someone told you not to love, not to be fullfilled in a happy relationship, because it would be morally wrong? That's not the kind of God that I believe in, and now that he's come to peace with his beliefs, I'm sure it's not the kind he believes in either.

When Prop 8 passed it made me sick. The tactics used to gain votes were obscene. People were standing on the corner with signs and asking drivers to honk as they passed by. This is something you see when people are asking for support of a cause - honk if you are against animal cruelty, honk if you support our troops, etc. Never honk to take away the right for gays to marry. And the whole fact that the Christian and Mormon churches were recruiting votes was disgusting. The Sunday before the election, I happened to be at my sister-in-law's church because their adopted son was being welcomed that day (sort of like a baptism for an older kid). They actually showed an animated video about how the churchgoers wouldn't be hypocrites if they were friends with their gay neighbors but voted for them not to be able to marry. I turned my head to see everyone sitting in the pews nodding in agreement. These people looked like brain-washed zombies who don't have minds of their own to exercise their civic duty.

How about the argument that it would be harmful to children in school? Please! Are we going around teaching anything about marriage in schools? And if it does come up, shouldn't we be teaching about equality and tolerance? Most kids are going to learn about the institution of marriage by watching their own parents and how they treat each other and act at home. If they want to tell their kids that it's bad for 2 men or 2 women who love each other to do that without the same rights as many an adulterous, deceitful, ungrateful union between a man and a woman then that's up to them. I am married. I have a son. Does my mom being married to her partner have a negative impact on my family? It certainly does not. And I am secure enough in my own sexuality and marriage to say that with total confidence. I say let gays get married legally and if certain churches want to prevent them from being married in their religion, that's fine. It should be something separate.

Unfortunately, as much as I hope that this debate will come to an end in my lifetime, there's more wrapped up in it than with the civil rights of other groups. Being gay is such a taboo topic to Christian religious groups that even though our church and state are supposed to be separate, it never really is. These people will keep pushing back and we just have to push harder. I don't know much about many political issues, and while many are confusing to me, this is one that is crystal clear. It's just civil rights. These are human beings we are talking about. No matter what you personally believe religiously or otherwise, you can't vote to take away the right for other human beings to be with those they love.

Even if this ruling doesn't stick (there are countless appeals being filed as I write this), the one thing I can hope for as a mother is that I can pass the values of human decency, social understanding, tolerance and love to my children. That, almost more than anything else, is my goal and will be my legacy to future generations.


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